I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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