you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
