i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
