We need to rekindle our bromance
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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