Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
