I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
