it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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