I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
