Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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