I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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