WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We talked him into tasing himself.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
