either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
