Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
