shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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