My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
