My sheets look like a crime scene.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
