note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
