Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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