i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
someone threw a dead crab at me
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
