dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
