where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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