Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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