TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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