I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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