so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
