Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
