The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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