Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize