I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
