yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
