You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
