I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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