I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize