and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
