i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
