Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
