I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
