I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
