Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
