I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
