At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Found the puke drawer
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
