woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
