I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
