I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
