adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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