Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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