I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize