drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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