I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
