Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
