You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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