Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
