I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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