Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
