you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
