Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
