YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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