haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
