did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
