I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
