the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
