those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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