my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
FUCK WHALES
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
