I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
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