when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
