you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize