when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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