Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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