I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
