Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize