dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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