He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
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