i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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