DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
