My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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