VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
