part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
