bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
