If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
