The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
What drink are we having for lunch?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
