I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
