somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
