**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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