Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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