so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
