I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
