Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
