I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
