I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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