Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
