Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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