Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
That's how pantless uber rides happen
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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