If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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